wanting to feel magic again;;

my weekends are the longest, maybe because I don't have school to keep me busy.

my weekends used to consist of drinking and partying.
I refuse to drink. I have too much to lose, and I don't want to risk losing that, EVER.
I almost made a choice last night, I needed to calm my nerves, and then refused. I want nothing but the best from here on out. I want people to see the good in me and see that I really am a good person and only want the best for myself and everyone around me.
I have appointments with counselors on campus. I want to get the proper help that I need, I don't want to act out again. I am hoping this week they will help me with any issues I may have now and hopefully help me take the next step in knowing what to do when, if any, future situations arise. I realize I am on a very short leash, and I want to do anything that will help me lenghten that.

I know things can be this magical. ----->
I have also been told my whole life that the best things in life aren't free, and you have to work for the things that you want most, but I have also been told that IT IS WORTH IT. Now I continue to be strong because I know that this is one of those situations. Everyone always remembers their first time experiences, one day, I will look back and laugh at this, its only a matter of time.

I'm holding on tight and I'm not letting go <3