I really wish I could put into words all of the things that you deserve, but fortunately for the world, some feelings are never meant to be altered into words. You deserve things that go far beyond your wildest dreams. First off, let me describe what you feel like to me:
First and foremost, YOU FEEL LIKE HOME.
I can't tell you how many times we have held each other and it felt like I was home, in the exact place I was forever meant to be. I felt good things and bad things alike, but just as a solid home has, it had character, some days the sun shined perfectly, others it snowed so deep, you thought things would never thaw, but they always did. SHIT ALWAYS BUFFED OUT. Your heartbeat was the melody to my life. Laying on your chest and hearing your heart was one of the most magical things to me. It drowned out everything I wanted to forget about so I could listen to the only thing that mattered, it is the safest place in the world, that is home.
In my home, I had the most natural cure for every illness, physically or mentally, I had ever encountered - your laugh.
The high squeaky one where you closed your eyes and grabbed your chest is my all time favorite, that is how I knew your laugh is genuine. You always turned bright red and placed your right hand over your heart. Your laughter cured not only my soul, but seemed to do the same for you.
This leads to your sense of knowing. Knowing when to do absolutely everything. When to hold me, when to speak, when to shit talk, and when to not. Knowing to just trust me, when to guide me, knowing when to push and when to not. And most importantly, when to just blend up a margarita. Now of course every system has flaws, but shit always buffs out and we built a network of gears that supported each other based on your knowledge. Take credit for the foundation you built, that is one of the manliest things you have done in my eyes, you supported me.
that right there, takes strength.
you have crazy amounts of strength. you are so courageous it scares you. I wish so badly that you could see it. Go stare in a mirror for two minutes, look deep in your eyes. There is so much character behind them and I was blessed looking into those eyes for 3 1/2 years. I can only say now that I wish you had the courage to just stay. But as people say, everything happens for a reason.
But this is where I can tell you this is what you deserve.
You are gifted, smart, funny, handsome, talented, experienced, relatable, and adaptable. (feel free to insert more adjectives)
You truly are a blessing to absolutely everyone around you, including strangers. I would kill at a chance to do it all over again with you. The experiences you show people and the things that you teach are unreal. You too deserve to be around people who will do the same for you. Explore, love and be free. You deserve to laugh, it really does cure this world and I wish everyone got your sense of humor, I envy the fact you threw a full glass of beer across a bar yelling "Kobe!". Native moment or not, it took balls. You deserve to lay peacefully under the Northern Lights. You are like me, fast. The perfect social butterfly, but the lights that I see in your eyes match those that dance in the Northern skies. It is alright if there are days you want to take it slow, do it, you deserve it. You deserve to speak and be understood when you decide not to talk. Surround yourself with those people that just know. JUST LIKE YOU. You just know when something is off, it's like a sixth sense. It will help when you don't always have the words. Most importantly, you deserve love. 100%, pure crazy, unpredictable, uncomparable, husky love. There is always good and bad to everything. When it's bad, it's bad, but make sure your goods outweigh the bads. Love the stupid things like trotting in the park and curly tails of curiosity. Take every challenge, fight it with the same passion I see when you stare at the Bellagio Fountains and surround yourself with all different kinds of love, it's healthy. Friends, family, lovers, pets, they are all different.
My only fear is that you will never understand how amazing you truly are, not just to me, but to many people.
I wanted to write to you because if I can never tell you again, at least you can always read this and remind yourself. Besides the select few people in my life that you know I have been blessed with, my biggest blessing has been you. I will never love anyone the way I have loved you and still love you to this very day. I often stare at your side of the bed where the husk sleeps, and it gets harder for me to breathe. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. BE PROUD OF THAT. GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT. No matter what decisions you decide to make in your life, I will forever stand by them, 100%. You have changed my life for the better, I hope you can say the same. I am SO proud of you Nick. I love you Creative Native.
BF to PP, forever and always.
-Sexi Mexi
