Thursday, June 8, 2017

everything will always be ok;;





Sunday, November 27, 2016

letting go;;

"If you love something, let it go."

Right?! Maybe not!?

How do we know for sure? I guess we never do. I guess we never truly know anything. If we are given choices of different paths, we will only ever truly know the results of the path we actually took.

Well, after multiple paths that I took, I found you.

my t w i n f l a m e .

However, lets end this happy love story now.

Just because you find your twin flame, doesn't mean you'll be together, happy, forever.

That's right, the feeling of complete fullness, like your soul is no longer missing something. The willingness to make that person your priority no matter what, which by the way comes too easy. The burst of energy that you have, together, through sex and emotional connection all feels different. Lastly, what won me over, the patience to understand all the qualities I was not. It was the love that I finally had for what was opposite of me.

But like I said, I have to end this, abruptly.

Not by choice, God no. EVER.

But because it is what I have to do.

I have to let go of you.

It's so funny because tradition and society has taught us that loves relates to possession and a life of togetherness. That is not always love, but the fear of being alone.

Why would I want to lose you, I wouldn't. Problem is, I am damaging myself. I am thinking in all the wrong ways. I must let go in order to stop damaging myself. By damaging myself, I am damaging you, and the connection that we will forever have. I don't need to be in possession of anything, you are always with me. My reward was that you came into my physical life, at a time no one ever saw coming, and you touched me where no one has ever reached before. You connected with my soul, and my life will never be the same again.

So, this is me writing, from the deepest part of my soul, letting you know I love you more than anyone and anything can ever be explained, but I have to let go, for both of us.

Monday, May 2, 2016


This is an aimless post.

To my future person, I just want to say I'm so happy. The way you do everything for me, I will never be able to thank you enough. I can't tell you how many countless tines I have waited for you to look at me deeper than anyone has. I think about how many times you have already believed in me more than I believe in myself at sometimes. You support everything I ever want and talk me through the things that don't make much sense. You see I am just trying to be a good person to everyone around me.

I know you're out there, I just can't wait to meet the willingness to go above and beyond. I hope I recognize it. And if I don't. Help me, because it's obviously something I need to learn.

Oh by the way, I love you. And I have waited a long time for you.
Until then. I am alone and trying to make myself the best person possible right now.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

that's the way it is. . .

"When I see potential, I just gotta see it through. . .  "

Isn't that the truth to my life?

Every experience is supposed to shape you as a person right? Well, people are experiences too. 
As I sit here and reflect on life and all the "experiences" I have gotten the chance to go through I can't help but miss them. Totally normal right? It has to be, otherwise what is the point of even having memories?

Let's start at the beginning. And let's just call it what it is.

Andrew; I miss feeling like the only one for someone. 

Kyle; I miss the undeniable physical attraction.

Nick; I miss the spontaneity.

Brian; I miss the instant connection.

Mikey; I miss the potential to be the greatest and truest love ever found.

My one wish for all 6 of these people, with or without me, is that they see the potential I see in them. And to the absolute fullest. Andrew, you'll love someone for what they have to offer. Kyle, you'll love someone who understands you. Nick, you'll love someone who suits your current lifestyle. Brian, you'll love someone who accepts your realistic goals. Mike and Jared, you'll love hard when you both decide to love. 

I want you all to know that I saw these things, and I am proud of you all. I wish I could be the person you saw as seeing something amazing in you. That's just not how things happen for us. And who knows how they will happen. Just know I love you all, and as I sit here thinking about you all individually, I can't help but feel so much pride from you guys. I will never be able to thank you so much for sharing a piece of your life with me that made me a better person, I hope you can feel something somewhat similar. 

I love you. 

You make me beyond happy. 

That will NEVER change. 

Saturday, August 8, 2015



3 6 5 d a y s .

Can you or I believe it? I know I can't.

It's hard. I have been thinking about this day all month. I can't believe it came already. The first 6 months were slow and hard. But then we started talking again and each day slipped by faster and faster. But now we aren't.

I won't lie, I am trying to stay positive but sometimes I just want to break down. My thoughts are so heavy sometimes it scares me. How did it become this way? Was this what you wanted?

I was so greatful for so many things. Did you know that 3 years ago, you and I were in Alaska and we were trick shot bowling? Competive, of course. But that's not what really mattered that night. It was what happened next. I lost a bet, we had to jump into the ocean. We knew it was cold, deep, and dark. But as we stood on the beach there together we grabbed hands and ran full speed into the ocean. We both fully commited to each other and kept our promises that were made that night to each other. It was a night I will NEVER forget.

I don't know if you are doing well or not, and I won't assume either one. I know I haven't talked to you. It's not that I don't want to, but I just feel like you don't want or need me to. I do assume you're better off without me.

I just want what is best for you. Always and forever.

Tomorrow is a new day, but I'll always love you.