I cried myself to sleep last night. HARD.
Why did I do it? To be honest because it's hard for me.
It's hard for me to comprehend that things probably won't change. It's hard for me to lie to people I love when they ask what's wrong. I say nothing, I'm fine, but they know. And I know they know, which makes it harder. It's hard to look at you Oakley, you make me so happy that it hurts. It's hard for me to want to express myself so badly and then not know how to when I get the chance. It's hard for me to believe in myself when all I do is believe in others. It's hard to also fucking type this because I'm balling my eyes out and iPhones don't always autocorrect correctly.
I just want to be the best believer. In everyone and everything. But I broke down last night. I just love you but sometimes the way things happen it makes you not love yourself.
I am going to try to turn this around. God help me have the strength to do so. You have plans for me, I know. Just help me believe that believing in others is still ok and that we need people like me.
I don't want to cry myself to sleep another night.
