Monday, November 8, 2010

rebuilding trust.

Trust is so hard to gain, but so easy to lose.
Doesn't really seem fair,
especially when you aren't the one to shake things up.

I feel like if you have trust (and communication) in a realtionship, you are good to go.
with these things, on good terms of course, everything else falls in place.

If one betrays trust however, there ARE ways to fix it, even when you feel like you've hit rock bottom and there's no changing it.

the betrayer must:
(1) be open and willing to answer questions.
(2) hold yourself accountable for your actions, accept the consequences.
-this means not getting defensive when you feel like a "14 year old"
(the feeling of I have to let my parents know where I am and what's going on at all times)
(3) DO NOT count on your word.
-just because you say you changed, means nothing right now. You surrendered that right.
(4) allow time.
-you need to allow time for the trust to be rebuilt. period. there is not a specific time either.

the betrayed must:
(1) be forgiving.
-this being able to name what exactly bothers you and getting over that however.
(not just a "oh yea, it happened, i forgive you" type of thing)
(2) be open to your anxiety.
-this being able to express the things that trigger this distrust. (places, people, etc.)

BOTH must:
(1) set boundaries.
-both parties must agree or it won't work.
-this means not doing anything the betrayer did in the first place, it also means not doing
anything the betrayed feels uncomfortable with. sucks, but sorry.

All of this is an absolute commitment, but if you want it to work, you will make it.

[[ t-minus 13 days ]]

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