Monday, November 15, 2010

everything in me.

Heartbreak; intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one.

Yep, I know that this is about to use up every ounce of energy in me as I try to recover from this.

Im speechless.

I cant even begin to wrap my mind around what just happened. We're done. That's how it is, life goes on I guess. I can always tell myself there is someone who is going to love me so much, there is someone better out there, but is there? I don't know, no one can tell the future.

It seems like as fast as this started, it ended.

I guess somethings really are too good to be true. That doesn't seem fair. But then again, we are always told "life's not fair."

I feel lost. empty. lifeless. unloved. betrayed. angry. hurt. mislead. hopeless. robbed.
so many emotions are running through me, they are tangled. I guess the only thing I can do is slowly untangle them.

I loved, no love, you with all my heart. I can honestly say that I have never tried harder in a relationship, but then again, I guess that was the problem.
I try so hard to make everything perfect, and it always becomes ruined.
I hope one day I learn to control that control freak in me. Not only for my sake, but everyone elses too.
I hope that you don't walk away from this with any regrets.

You are a strong, handsome, talented person with so much ahead in life.
Please live it to the fullest. Don't let anyone stop you. EVER. no girls, family, friends, nothing.
You need to find a girl that is fun, spunky, and fresh. One that can hang with you 24/7.
She needs to be athletic, basketball is the sport. You will play agaisnt each other and some days, she will actually beat you, but you have a big ego, so you'll never admit it.
She will be beautiful and all your friends will adore her, family, and sister will too.
Girls will envy her for what and who she is, and what she has. . . .you.
You will fall in love and the best has yet to come for you.

As for me, I guess I'll focus on school and volleyball. I will cry my eyes out every night until I realize that it isn't going to work and then I will get over it. That's part of break-ups.
Until then I will stay strong for me, just know that this is the hardest thing ever.

I can't pretend things will be ok, because right now for me, they're not. I feel completely drained and I am the biggest failure here on Earth.
I still don't have much to say.

I love you, that will NEVER change.
but you know that.
just don't ever forget it.

big big.

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